> ## Documentation Index > Fetch the complete documentation index at: https://docs.highailabs.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover all available pages before exploring further. # Roast My Stash — Scripts > Five episodes scoring submitted stashes 1-100 on terpene diversity. Status game disguised as a content engine. Script IDs RMS-001 through RMS-005. Show concept: [Roast My Stash](/social/shows/roast-my-stash). Character and shot rules: [Production Spec](/social/scripts/production-spec). Numbers: [Verified Data Sheet](/social/scripts/verified-data). **Every episode ends on the catchphrase.** *"This is why I'm high."* The line is the domain, so the sign-off does the funnel work with no "link in bio." Delivered flat and sincere, never explained, never in the first three seconds. See [The Funnel](/social/funnel#the-sign-off). ## Pack Summary | ID | Episode | Runtime | Score | Test Variable | | --------- | ----------------------------------- | ------- | ----- | ------------------------------------ | | `RMS-001` | The monoculture stash | 40s | 41 | Baseline — does a low score travel | | `RMS-002` | The beginner's first four | 40s | 58 | Generous score, warm register | | `RMS-003` | The 92 | 30s | 92 | Does praise travel as far as a roast | | `RMS-004` | The limonene overload | 40s | 47 | Named failure mode as a format | | `RMS-005` | The expensive stash that scored low | 45s | 44 | Price versus chemistry | **Recurring assets:** stash photo full-frame, terpene diversity overlay, animated 1-100 score counter, ROAST or PRAISE stamp, High IQ card. ## The Scoring Rubric The score has to be consistent or the show is just opinion with a number attached. Publish the rubric so the audience can predict — and argue with — the result. | Component | Weight | What It Measures | | ------------------------------ | ------ | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Distinct dominant terpenes** | 40 | How many different terpenes lead across the stash. Four different leads beats four of the same. | | **Rarity bonus** | 25 | Credit for anything outside the big three. Terpinolene, pinene, linalool, humulene, ocimene. | | **High Family spread** | 20 | Whether the stash covers different effect directions or clusters in one. | | **Concentration balance** | 10 | Whether one strain's profile swamps the rest of the lineup. | | **Format variety** | 5 | Flower, concentrate, edible. Minor, but it counts. | Anchor the audience's expectations early: **myrcene dominates 45.8% of all strains**. A four-jar stash landing on three myrcene leads is not bad luck, it is the base rate. Saying so out loud is what turns a roast into a lesson. *** ## RMS-001 — The Monoculture Stash | | | | ----------------- | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Runtime** | 40 seconds | | **Pillar** | Strain Intel | | **Register** | Comedy carrying data | | **CTA type** | Comment | | **Test variable** | Baseline for the show. Does a low score generate more engagement than a high one? Runs against `RMS-003`. | | **Data needed** | `[DATA: dominant terpene for each of the 4 submitted strains]`. Verified anchor: myrcene 45.8%. | **Hooks** | Slot | ID | Line | | ---- | ------- | ------------------------------------------------- | | A | `CM-04` | "Your stash is a 41. Let's talk about it." | | B | `CM-03` | "I'm about to hurt someone's feelings with math." | | C | `BC-03` | "Half of all cannabis is the same terpene." | **Script** | Time | Voiceover | On Screen | Shot | | --------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | -------------------------- | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | 0:00-0:04 | "Your stash is a forty-one. Let's talk about why." | STASH SCORE: 41 | deadpan + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame | | 0:04-0:12 | "Four jars. Four different names, four different price points. Looks like a varied collection." | 4 STRAINS | neutral, examining photo + slow push-in + four jars labeled | | 0:12-0:24 | "Three of them are myrcene-dominant. Not similar — the same lead terpene, pointing the same broad direction. You did not build a collection, you bought the same night three times." | 3 OF 4 = MYRCENE | disappointed, crown drooping + whip cut to + diversity overlay, three highlighted | | 0:24-0:34 | "And this is not a roast of your taste. Myrcene dominates forty-five point eight percent of all cannabis. If you shop by name, this is the statistically expected outcome. The shelf did this to you." | 45.8% — THE SHELF DID THIS | neutral, gesturing at distribution + static chest-up + distribution chart | | 0:34-0:40 | "Add one terpinolene strain and you are in the seventies. Submit yours. Track yours in High IQ." | ADD 1 TERPINOLENE → 70s | excited, crown perked, ROAST stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card | | | | | | **Caption** > Stash score: 41. Four jars, three myrcene-dominant. That's not bad taste — myrcene leads 45.8% of all cannabis, so shopping by name lands here by default. > > One terpinolene strain puts this in the 70s. Submit yours. > > This is why I'm high → thisiswhyimhigh.com **Hashtags** `#roastmystash` `#terpenes` `#myrcene` `#plantmedicine` `#cannabiseducation` **Cantina Prompt** ```text theme={null} Professor High — ROAST MY STASH — RMS-001 Runtime: 40 seconds | 9:16 vertical CHARACTERS - professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the main cause of drift. - No supporting cast — Professor High alone. - Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap rules: /social/cast TONE: Precise and matter-of-fact. A researcher walking through a result. Sincere throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is funny. ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. The submitted stash photo fills the frame at the open, with any labels, patient details, and reflections redacted. SHOTS + DIALOGUE: 1. (0:00-0:04) deadpan + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame SAYS: "Your stash is a forty-one. Let's talk about why." ON SCREEN: STASH SCORE: 41 2. (0:04-0:12) neutral, examining photo + slow push-in + four jars labeled SAYS: "Four jars. Four different names, four different price points. Looks like a varied collection." ON SCREEN: 4 STRAINS 3. (0:12-0:24) disappointed, crown drooping + whip cut to + diversity overlay, three highlighted SAYS: "Three of them are myrcene-dominant. Not similar — the same lead terpene, pointing the same broad direction. You did not build a collection, you bought the same night three times." ON SCREEN: 3 OF 4 = MYRCENE 4. (0:24-0:34) neutral, gesturing at distribution + static chest-up + distribution chart SAYS: "And this is not a roast of your taste. Myrcene dominates forty-five point eight percent of all cannabis. If you shop by name, this is the statistically expected outcome. The shelf did this to you." ON SCREEN: 45.8% — THE SHELF DID THIS 5. (0:34-0:40) excited, crown perked, ROAST stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card SAYS: "Add one terpinolene strain and you are in the seventies. Track yours in High IQ." ON SCREEN: ADD 1 TERPINOLENE → 70s ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced. Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top. AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed. Score-counter tick that decelerates into the final number. Voice normalized loudest. DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. ``` *** ## RMS-002 — The Beginner's First Four | | | | ----------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Runtime** | 40 seconds | | **Pillar** | Strain Intel | | **Register** | Warm | | **CTA type** | Site | | **Test variable** | Generous scoring with a warm register. Does encouragement retain as well as a roast? | | **Data needed** | `[DATA: dominant terpene for each submitted strain]`. Verified anchors: Blue Dream is myrcene-dominant and the most popular strain overall. | **Hooks** | Slot | ID | Line | | ---- | ------- | ------------------------------------------------------ | | A | `QN-04` | "What's actually in your jar right now?" | | B | `CM-04` | "Your stash is a 41. Let's talk about it." (adapt: 58) | | C | `PA-02` | "You're guessing at the dispensary. Stop." | **Script** | Time | Voiceover | On Screen | Shot | | --------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ---------------------------- | --------------------------------------------------------------- | | 0:00-0:04 | "Fifty-eight. And for a first stash, that is genuinely fine." | STASH SCORE: 58 | neutral, warm + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame | | 0:04-0:14 | "Blue Dream is in here, which is the most popular strain there is and an entirely reasonable place to start. Nobody should be embarrassed by a starter jar." | BLUE DREAM — #1 MOST POPULAR | neutral, small approving nod + slow push-in + diversity overlay | | 0:14-0:26 | "Two myrcene leads, one caryophyllene, one limonene. That is three of the big three represented, which is more range than most stashes I score. You are not stuck in one lane." | 3 OF THE BIG 3 | excited, crown perked + whip cut to + four-jar breakdown | | 0:26-0:36 | "What is missing is anything rare. No terpinolene, no pinene, no linalool. Those three together are under nine percent of all strains, so you will not find them by accident — you have to go looking." | MISSING: THE RARE ONES | neutral, gesturing + static chest-up + rarity chart | | 0:36-0:40 | "Ask for one on purpose next trip. Track it in High IQ." | ASK FOR ONE ON PURPOSE | neutral, PRAISE stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card | **Caption** > Score: 58, and for a first stash that's genuinely fine. Three of the big three terpenes represented — more range than most stashes I score. > > What's missing is anything rare. Terpinolene, pinene and linalool together are under 9% of the database. You have to go looking. > > This is why I'm high → thisiswhyimhigh.com **Hashtags** `#roastmystash` `#cannabis101` `#terpenes` `#bluedream` `#cannabiseducation` **Cantina Prompt** ```text theme={null} Professor High — ROAST MY STASH — RMS-002 Runtime: 40 seconds | 9:16 vertical CHARACTERS - professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the main cause of drift. - No supporting cast — Professor High alone. - Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap rules: /social/cast TONE: Warm and protective. He is on the viewer's side and slightly annoyed on their behalf. Sincere throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is funny. ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. The submitted stash photo fills the frame at the open, with any labels, patient details, and reflections redacted. SHOTS + DIALOGUE: 1. (0:00-0:04) neutral, warm + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame SAYS: "Fifty-eight. And for a first stash, that is genuinely fine." ON SCREEN: STASH SCORE: 58 2. (0:04-0:14) neutral, small approving nod + slow push-in + diversity overlay SAYS: "Blue Dream is in here, which is the most popular strain there is and an entirely reasonable place to start. Nobody should be embarrassed by a starter jar." ON SCREEN: BLUE DREAM — #1 MOST POPULAR 3. (0:14-0:26) excited, crown perked + whip cut to + four-jar breakdown SAYS: "Two myrcene leads, one caryophyllene, one limonene. That is three of the big three represented, which is more range than most stashes I score. You are not stuck in one lane." ON SCREEN: 3 OF THE BIG 3 4. (0:26-0:36) neutral, gesturing + static chest-up + rarity chart SAYS: "What is missing is anything rare. No terpinolene, no pinene, no linalool. Those three together are under nine percent of all strains, so you will not find them by accident — you have to go looking." ON SCREEN: MISSING: THE RARE ONES 5. (0:36-0:40) neutral, PRAISE stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card SAYS: "Ask for one on purpose next trip. Track it in High IQ." ON SCREEN: ASK FOR ONE ON PURPOSE ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced. Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top. AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed. Score-counter tick that decelerates into the final number. Voice normalized loudest. DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. ``` *** ## RMS-003 — The 92 | | | | ----------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Runtime** | 30 seconds | | **Pillar** | Community | | **Register** | Ceremony | | **CTA type** | Comment | | **Test variable** | Does praise travel as far as a roast? Direct counterpart to `RMS-001`. Also the shortest runtime in the pack. | | **Data needed** | `[DATA: dominant terpene for each submitted strain — must include at least two outside the big three]` | **Hooks** | Slot | ID | Line | | ---- | ------- | ------------------------------------------------------ | | A | `CM-04` | "Your stash is a 41. Let's talk about it." (adapt: 92) | | B | `DD-04` | "Terpinolene leads about 1 in 22 strains." | | C | `QN-04` | "What's actually in your jar right now?" | **Script** | Time | Voiceover | On Screen | Shot | | --------- | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ----------------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | 0:00-0:04 | "Ninety-two. That is the highest score I have given." | STASH SCORE: 92 | excited, crown fully perked + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame | | 0:04-0:14 | "Five strains. Five different dominant terpenes. Not one repeat. Do you understand how hard that is to do by accident?" | 5 STRAINS. 5 DIFFERENT LEADS. | excited, leaning toward lens + slow push-in + diversity overlay, all five distinct | | 0:14-0:24 | "Terpinolene and pinene both in here. One in twenty-two and one in fifty respectively. You did not stumble into those. Somebody went looking." | 1 IN 22 + 1 IN 50 | excited, gesturing at rarity chart + whip cut to + rarity chart, two slivers marked | | 0:24-0:30 | "This is what a portfolio looks like instead of a habit. Handle pinned. Submit yours." | A PORTFOLIO, NOT A HABIT | neutral, PRAISE stamp lands + static chest-up + High IQ card | **Caption** > 92. Highest score I've given. Five strains, five different dominant terpenes, zero repeats — including terpinolene (4.5% of the database) and pinene (2.0%). > > Nobody stumbles into that. This is a portfolio, not a habit. > > This is why I'm high → thisiswhyimhigh.com **Hashtags** `#roastmystash` `#terpenes` `#terpinolene` `#plantmedicine` `#cannabisconnoisseur` **Cantina Prompt** ```text theme={null} Professor High — ROAST MY STASH — RMS-003 Runtime: 30 seconds | 9:16 vertical CHARACTERS - professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the main cause of drift. - No supporting cast — Professor High alone. - Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap rules: /social/cast TONE: Genuinely delighted. This is the one episode where he is openly impressed. Sincere throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is funny. ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. The submitted stash photo fills the frame at the open, with any labels, patient details, and reflections redacted. SHOTS + DIALOGUE: 1. (0:00-0:04) excited, crown fully perked + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame SAYS: "Ninety-two. That is the highest score I have given." ON SCREEN: STASH SCORE: 92 2. (0:04-0:14) excited, leaning toward lens + slow push-in + diversity overlay, all five distinct SAYS: "Five strains. Five different dominant terpenes. Not one repeat. Do you understand how hard that is to do by accident?" ON SCREEN: 5 STRAINS. 5 DIFFERENT LEADS. 3. (0:14-0:24) excited, gesturing at rarity chart + whip cut to + rarity chart, two slivers marked SAYS: "Terpinolene and pinene both in here. One in twenty-two and one in fifty respectively. You did not stumble into those. Somebody went looking." ON SCREEN: 1 IN 22 + 1 IN 50 4. (0:24-0:30) neutral, PRAISE stamp lands + static chest-up + High IQ card SAYS: "This is what a portfolio looks like instead of a habit. Handle pinned. Submit yours." ON SCREEN: A PORTFOLIO, NOT A HABIT ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced. Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top. AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed. Score-counter tick that decelerates into the final number. Voice normalized loudest. DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. ``` *** ## RMS-004 — The Limonene Overload | | | | ----------------- | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Runtime** | 40 seconds | | **Pillar** | Strain Intel | | **Register** | Comedy carrying data | | **CTA type** | Save | | **Test variable** | A **named failure mode** as a recurring format. If this works, every common stash pattern becomes an episode template. | | **Data needed** | `[DATA: dominant terpene and concentration for each submitted strain]`. Verified anchor: limonene dominates 25.4%. | **Hooks** | Slot | ID | Line | | ---- | ------- | ------------------------------------------------------------ | | A | `CM-03` | "I'm about to hurt someone's feelings with math." | | B | `CT-03` | "Your expensive eighth is chemically boring." | | C | `PA-04` | "That 'calming' strain made you anxious. Here's the reason." | **Script** | Time | Voiceover | On Screen | Shot | | --------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ---------------------------- | --------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | 0:00-0:04 | "Forty-seven. And there is one jar doing all the damage." | STASH SCORE: 47 | deadpan + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame | | 0:04-0:14 | "On paper this is a decent lineup. Three different dominant terpenes across four jars. That should score in the sixties." | SHOULD BE A 60s STASH | neutral, examining + slow push-in + diversity overlay | | 0:14-0:28 | "But one of them is so far ahead on limonene that it flattens everything sitting next to it. When you rotate through this stash, three of those jars are going to read as versions of the same experience, because your baseline keeps getting reset by the loudest one." | ONE JAR RESETS YOUR BASELINE | disappointed, crown drooping + whip cut to + concentration bar, one spiking | | 0:28-0:36 | "Limonene leads a quarter of all cannabis, so it is easy to end up here. The fix is not to remove it. It is to stop putting it in rotation next to the subtle ones." | LIMONENE LEADS 25.4% | neutral, gesturing + static chest-up + distribution chart | | 0:36-0:40 | "Rotate the loud one last. Save this. Submit yours." | ROTATE THE LOUD ONE LAST | neutral, ROAST stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card | **Caption** > Score: 47, and one jar is doing all the damage. Three different dominant terpenes should score in the 60s — but one is so limonene-forward it flattens everything next to it. > > The fix isn't removing it. It's rotating the loud one last. > > This is why I'm high → thisiswhyimhigh.com **Hashtags** `#roastmystash` `#limonene` `#terpenes` `#plantmedicine` `#cannabiseducation` **Cantina Prompt** ```text theme={null} Professor High — ROAST MY STASH — RMS-004 Runtime: 40 seconds | 9:16 vertical CHARACTERS - professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the main cause of drift. - No supporting cast — Professor High alone. - Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap rules: /social/cast TONE: Precise and matter-of-fact. A researcher walking through a result. Sincere throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is funny. ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. The submitted stash photo fills the frame at the open, with any labels, patient details, and reflections redacted. SHOTS + DIALOGUE: 1. (0:00-0:04) deadpan + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame SAYS: "Forty-seven. And there is one jar doing all the damage." ON SCREEN: STASH SCORE: 47 2. (0:04-0:14) neutral, examining + slow push-in + diversity overlay SAYS: "On paper this is a decent lineup. Three different dominant terpenes across four jars. That should score in the sixties." ON SCREEN: SHOULD BE A 60s STASH 3. (0:14-0:28) disappointed, crown drooping + whip cut to + concentration bar, one spiking SAYS: "But one of them is so far ahead on limonene that it flattens everything sitting next to it. When you rotate through this stash, three of those jars are going to read as versions of the same experience, because your baseline keeps getting reset by the loudest one." ON SCREEN: ONE JAR RESETS YOUR BASELINE 4. (0:28-0:36) neutral, gesturing + static chest-up + distribution chart SAYS: "Limonene leads a quarter of all cannabis, so it is easy to end up here. The fix is not to remove it. It is to stop putting it in rotation next to the subtle ones." ON SCREEN: LIMONENE LEADS 25.4% 5. (0:36-0:40) neutral, ROAST stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card SAYS: "Rotate the loud one last. Save this. Submit yours." ON SCREEN: ROTATE THE LOUD ONE LAST ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced. Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top. AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed. Score-counter tick that decelerates into the final number. Voice normalized loudest. DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. ``` *** ## RMS-005 — The Expensive Stash That Scored Low | | | | ----------------- | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | **Runtime** | 45 seconds | | **Pillar** | Strain Intel | | **Register** | Comedy carrying data | | **CTA type** | Comment | | **Test variable** | Price versus chemistry. Highest share-rate candidate in the pack — the "you got played" reveal. | | **Data needed** | `[DATA: dominant terpene and price per eighth for each submitted strain]`. Verified anchor: average THC 20.5%. | **Hooks** | Slot | ID | Line | | ---- | ------- | ------------------------------------------------- | | A | `CT-03` | "Your expensive eighth is chemically boring." | | B | `CM-03` | "I'm about to hurt someone's feelings with math." | | C | `BC-07` | "Nothing in the top ten is strong." | **Script** | Time | Voiceover | On Screen | Shot | | --------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | --------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | 0:00-0:04 | "Two hundred and forty dollars of cannabis. Score of forty-four." | \$240. SCORE: 44. | deadpan + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame | | 0:04-0:14 | "Four jars, all top-shelf, all from good shops. And I want to be clear that none of these are bad strains. Every one of them is a solid product." | NONE OF THESE ARE BAD | neutral, examining + slow push-in + four jars with prices | | 0:14-0:28 | "They are just chemically almost the same product. Two myrcene leads, two caryophyllene, and the THC figures all cluster within two points of average. You paid a premium four separate times for the middle of the distribution." | 4 PREMIUMS. 1 MIDDLE. | skeptical, one brow raised + whip cut to + diversity overlay plus THC cluster | | 0:28-0:40 | "Price and chemistry are not correlated in cannabis the way people assume. The shelf tier tells you about the grow, the cure, and the marketing. It tells you almost nothing about whether the next jar will feel different from the last one." | PRICE ≠ DIFFERENCE | neutral, direct to lens + static chest-up + price versus diversity scatter | | 0:40-0:45 | "Same money, different terpenes, that is a ninety. Submit yours." | SAME MONEY = A 90 | neutral, ROAST stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card | **Caption** > \$240 of cannabis, score of 44. None of these are bad strains — they're just chemically almost the same product. Two myrcene leads, two caryophyllene, THC all within two points of average. > > Same money spent on different terpenes is a 90. > > This is why I'm high → thisiswhyimhigh.com **Hashtags** `#roastmystash` `#terpenes` `#plantmedicine` `#dispensary` `#cannabiseducation` **Cantina Prompt** ```text theme={null} Professor High — ROAST MY STASH — RMS-005 Runtime: 45 seconds | 9:16 vertical CHARACTERS - professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the main cause of drift. - No supporting cast — Professor High alone. - Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap rules: /social/cast TONE: Precise and matter-of-fact. A researcher walking through a result. Sincere throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is funny. ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. The submitted stash photo fills the frame at the open, with any labels, patient details, and reflections redacted. SHOTS + DIALOGUE: 1. (0:00-0:04) deadpan + static chest-up + stash photo full-frame SAYS: "Two hundred and forty dollars of cannabis. Score of forty-four." ON SCREEN: $240. SCORE: 44. 2. (0:04-0:14) neutral, examining + slow push-in + four jars with prices SAYS: "Four jars, all top-shelf, all from good shops. And I want to be clear that none of these are bad strains. Every one of them is a solid product." ON SCREEN: NONE OF THESE ARE BAD 3. (0:14-0:28) skeptical, one brow raised + whip cut to + diversity overlay plus THC cluster SAYS: "They are just chemically almost the same product. Two myrcene leads, two caryophyllene, and the THC figures all cluster within two points of average. You paid a premium four separate times for the middle of the distribution." ON SCREEN: 4 PREMIUMS. 1 MIDDLE. 4. (0:28-0:40) neutral, direct to lens + static chest-up + price versus diversity scatter SAYS: "Price and chemistry are not correlated in cannabis the way people assume. The shelf tier tells you about the grow, the cure, and the marketing. It tells you almost nothing about whether the next jar will feel different from the last one." ON SCREEN: PRICE ≠ DIFFERENCE 5. (0:40-0:45) neutral, ROAST stamp + slow push-in + High IQ card SAYS: "Same money, different terpenes, that is a ninety. Submit yours." ON SCREEN: SAME MONEY = A 90 ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced. Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top. AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed. Score-counter tick that decelerates into the final number. Voice normalized loudest. DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. ``` *** ## Production Batch Notes * **Publish the rubric and stick to it.** The moment scores look arbitrary, the audience stops arguing about their stash and starts arguing about the show. The rubric is what makes the number feel earned. * Never roast the *person*. Roast the shelf, the pricing, the label, the base rate. Every episode in this pack routes the blame to the market — that is what makes a low score shareable by the person who received it. * Redact everything identifying in a stash photo: prescription labels, patient numbers, addresses on receipts, faces in reflections. Check reflective jar surfaces specifically. * `RMS-001` and `RMS-003` are the core experiment: same show, opposite emotional valence. Whichever direction wins should get the majority of future slots. * If `RMS-004` performs, name every recurring stash pattern and turn each into a template. "The Limonene Overload," "The Monoculture," "The One-Shop Stash." Named failure modes are how a scoring show becomes a franchise. * Feature the top score monthly with real ceremony. The leaderboard is what converts one-time submitters into regulars. ## Related Format, cadence, success metrics. Distribution figures behind the rubric. How this pack gets read.