The Comedy Engine — Scripts

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-001
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
  wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- THE BUDTENDER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-budtender-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: apron and name tag, likeable, has
  an answer for everything — never dishonest.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Nature-documentary. Professor High observes with genuine scientific
interest and zero judgment, the way a naturalist watches an animal do
something inexplicable. Completely deadpan. He never winks at the camera.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, mid-scene, mid-sentence. No title card, no
logo, no narration first. The very first frame is THE MAXIMIZER already
talking. Do not add any on-screen text before 0:15.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic dispensary counter — no real brand names,
logos, or recognizable storefront. No product visible anywhere. A backlit menu
board of names and percentages. Warm retail lighting. Professor High is cut in
from his lab and is never physically in the shop.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:04) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE MAXIMIZER at the menu board,
   already mid-sentence, pointing.
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "—no, the other one. The thirty-one. Is there anything
   higher than the thirty-one?"
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:04-0:09) Cut to Professor High in the lab. Static chest-up, deadpan,
   direct to lens.
   SAYS (PROF): "He has not read a single strain name. He does not know what
   this is. He is scanning for one thing."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:09-0:15) Whip cut back. Shot-reverse-shot across the counter, then back
   to Professor High for the last line.
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "And that's the strongest one you got?"
   SAYS (BUDTENDER): "That's the biggest number we got."
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "Same thing."
   SAYS (PROF): "It is not the same thing."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:15-0:22) Slow push-in on Professor High, deadpan. A single THC
   distribution card enters the lower third.
   SAYS: "Fewer than one in two hundred strains actually reaches thirty
   percent. Average is twenty and a half. He is paying a premium for a point
   and a half and a rounding error."
   ON SCREEN: 1 IN 200
5. (0:22-0:25) Static chest-up, the faintest smile. Closing card.
   SAYS: "Chaser or Reader? Comments."
   ON SCREEN: CHASER OR READER?

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Use text ONLY on beats 4 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white
with heavy stroke, lower third, pineapple yellow #D98E04 on the key term. Keep
250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Light nature-documentary bed — sparse strings. Voice
normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No
medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. Do not
depict anyone consuming.

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-002
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
  Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
  experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Professor High is a patient naturalist watching a confident creature be
confidently wrong. Deadpan, never cruel. THE ORACLE is utterly serene and
completely certain. Neither acknowledges the camera or the joke.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, mid-sentence. First frame is THE ORACLE
already talking. No title card, no narration first, no on-screen text before
0:08.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic living room — couch, low lamp, nothing
identifiable. No product or paraphernalia anywhere in frame. Professor High is
cut in from his lab and is never in the room.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:04) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE ORACLE reclined, gesturing
   philosophically, caught mid-sentence.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "—see, this one's a sativa, so it goes to your head. Indica
   goes to your body. That's just science."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:04-0:08) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "It is not science. It is shelf labelling."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:08-0:16) Slow push-in, direct to lens. One terpene card in the lower
   third.
   SAYS: "Indica and sativa describe plant shape. Not effect. And myrcene —
   the one most associated with sedation — leads nearly half of everything on
   that shelf, whichever word is on the jar."
   ON SCREEN: IT DESCRIBES PLANT SHAPE
4. (0:16-0:21) Split frame. THE ORACLE still talking, unaware. Professor High
   unmoved on the other side.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "—it's about the vibes of the plant, you feel me—"
   SAYS (PROF): "He cannot hear me."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:21-0:25) Static chest-up, the faintest smile. Closing card.
   SAYS: "Everyone knows an Oracle. Tag them."
   ON SCREEN: TAG AN ORACLE

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 3 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white with
heavy stroke, lower third, pineapple yellow #D98E04 on key terms. Keep 250px
clear at the bottom and 120px at the top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Light nature-documentary bed. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia in frame. No medical
claims. No real brand names or logos. Do not depict anyone consuming.

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-003
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE BUDTENDER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-budtender-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: apron and name tag, likeable, has
  an answer for everything — never dishonest.
- THE FIRST-TIMER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-first-timer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: small, upright and sincere, asks
  the question nobody else will.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Warm and deadpan. Professor High has real sympathy for this person — the
joke is the industry, never the worker. THE BUDTENDER is sincere, friendly and
completely out of information.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD on the counter exchange. First frame is
dialogue already happening. No title card, no narration first, no on-screen
text before 0:11.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic dispensary counter — no real brand names or
logos, no product visible. Warm retail lighting. Professor High cuts in from
his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Rapid shot-reverse-shot across the counter. THE
   BUDTENDER holds unbreakable friendly eye contact throughout.
   SAYS (BUDTENDER): "This one's fire."
   SAYS (CUSTOMER): "What's in it?"
   SAYS (BUDTENDER): "It's fire."
   SAYS (CUSTOMER): "But what's in it—"
   SAYS (BUDTENDER): "Fire."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:11) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "He is not lying. He believes this completely. He was handed forty
   products this month and trained on none of them."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:11-0:20) Slow push-in, direct to lens. One terpene card enters.
   SAYS: "So stop asking what's strong. Ask what the dominant terpene is.
   Three of them lead eighty-six percent of everything back there — so the
   answer is actually useful."
   ON SCREEN: ASK: WHAT'S DOMINANT?
4. (0:20-0:23) Locked wide back on THE BUDTENDER. A long beat. Eye contact
   never breaks.
   SAYS (BUDTENDER): "...It's fire."
   SAYS (PROF): "We will get there."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:23-0:25) Static chest-up on Professor High. Closing card.
   SAYS: "Save this for the counter."
   ON SCREEN: SAVE THIS

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 3 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white with
heavy stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Light nature-documentary bed. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. Never portray the budtender
as stupid or malicious.

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-004
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast
TONE: Pure nature-documentary. Professor High narrates an ordinary domestic
scene with the gravity of a wildlife observation. Deadpan, warm, never mocking.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD with NO dialogue at all. First four seconds
are pure visual — a cupboard opening and closing. No title card, no narration,
no on-screen text before 0:14.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic kitchen at night — dim, single overhead light,
a wall clock clearly readable. Nothing cannabis-related in frame. The person is
shown only as hands, silhouette and back-of-head — never an identifiable face.
Professor High cuts in from his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:04) COLD OPEN, silent. Locked wide. A hand opens a cupboard, closes
   it, opens it again. Wall clock reads 1:04 AM.
   SAYS: nothing
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:04-0:09) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "This decision will take him nineteen minutes. The options have not
   changed since he checked four minutes ago."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:09-0:14) Whip cut. Refrigerator door swings open, cold light spills out,
   nothing inside looks appealing. Clock now reads 1:11 AM.
   SAYS: "He knows there is nothing in there. He will open it twice more."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:14-0:18) Slow push-in on Professor High, direct to lens.
   SAYS: "This is myrcene. Nearly half of all cannabis, and appetite is the
   most consistently reported thing about it. He is not indecisive. He is
   chemically thorough."
   ON SCREEN: HE IS CHEMICALLY THOROUGH
5. (0:18-0:20) Locked wide back in the kitchen. A cereal box on the counter.
   Clock reads 1:23 AM.
   SAYS: "It was always cereal."
   ON SCREEN: nothing

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beat 4. Bold sans-serif, white with heavy
stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse nature-documentary bed, room tone audible. Voice
normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real brand names or logos. Do not depict anyone consuming or visibly
intoxicated — the scene is entirely about the decision.

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-005
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
  Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
  experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Affectionate roast. Professor High is fond of this person and will not
let the claim stand. Deadpan, warm, never contemptuous. THE ORACLE is sincere
and slightly proud.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, mid-brag. First frame is THE ORACLE already
talking. No title card, no narration first, no on-screen text before 0:09.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic living room — couch, low lamp, nothing
identifiable, no product or paraphernalia. Professor High cuts in from his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE ORACLE leaning in, already
   mid-thought.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "—honestly at this point it barely does anything to me. I
   think I'm just built different."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:09) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "He is not built different. His receptors are."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:09-0:18) Slow push-in, direct to lens. A receptor diagram enters the
   lower third, receiver count visibly reducing.
   SAYS: "Consistent exposure, so the brain quietly keeps fewer CB1 receivers
   available. Same amount, fewer places to land. That is a thermostat, not a
   personality trait — and the fix is time, not something stronger."
   ON SCREEN: A THERMOSTAT, NOT A FLEX
4. (0:18-0:22) Locked wide back on THE ORACLE, still going, unaware.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "—I might have to move up to concentrates—"
   SAYS (PROF): "He is moving up to concentrates."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:22-0:25) Static chest-up on Professor High, faintest smile.
   SAYS: "Tag him. Gently."
   ON SCREEN: TAG HIM. GENTLY.

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 3 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white with
heavy stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Light nature-documentary bed. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real brand names or logos. Do not depict anyone consuming or visibly
intoxicated.

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-006
Runtime: 30 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
  wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
  Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
  experience to you with total confidence.
- THE BUDTENDER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-budtender-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: apron and name tag, likeable, has
  an answer for everything — never dishonest.
- THE FIRST-TIMER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-first-timer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: small, upright and sincere, asks
  the question nobody else will.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Warm and protective, documentary framing intact. This is the one episode
where Professor High is openly on someone's side. Never mocking her — the other
three archetypes are the joke.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD on her question and the silence that follows.
No title card, no narration first, no on-screen text before 0:16.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic dispensary interior — no real brand names or
logos, no product visible. Warm retail lighting. Professor High cuts in from
his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE FIRST-TIMER small and upright at a
   counter, clutching a receipt. She asks. The whole room freezes. Hold the
   silence a beat too long.
   SAYS (FIRST-TIMER): "Sorry — what does any of this actually mean?"
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:10) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, warm.
   SAYS: "She just asked the only smart question in the building. Watch what
   happens."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:10-0:16) Whip cut between the three archetypes, each giving a useless
   answer.
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "...It's a thirty-one."
   SAYS (ORACLE): "It's a sativa, so—"
   SAYS (BUDTENDER): "It's fire."
   SAYS (PROF): "Nobody here knows."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:16-0:25) Slow push-in on Professor High, warm, direct to lens.
   SAYS: "So here is the real answer. Blue Dream. Most popular strain there is,
   myrcene-dominant, twenty and a half percent THC — dead average. And average
   is exactly right on day one."
   ON SCREEN: AVERAGE IS EXACTLY RIGHT
5. (0:25-0:28) Static chest-up, warm. Timer graphic.
   SAYS: "Two puffs. Wait twenty minutes. Nobody has ever regretted going
   slow."
   ON SCREEN: 2 PUFFS. WAIT 20.
6. (0:28-0:30) Locked wide back on THE FIRST-TIMER. A small, steady nod.
   SAYS (PROF): "She's already ahead of three people in this room. Follow — I
   answer these."
   ON SCREEN: nothing

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 4 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white with
heavy stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Light nature-documentary bed, warmer in the final third.
Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos. Do not depict anyone
consuming.

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-007
Runtime: 15 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
  Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
  experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Completely deadpan on both sides. THE ORACLE is genuinely calm in beat 1
and genuinely vacant in beat 3 — no mugging, no comedy faces. The humour is in
the hard cut and the identical framing.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD on the line. No title card, no setup, no
narration first. No on-screen text before 0:09.

CRITICAL — THE MATCH CUT: Beats 1 and 3 must use the IDENTICAL camera position,
framing, lighting and chair. Only the character's state changes. The comedy is
entirely in the sameness of the frame.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic living room — couch or armchair, low lamp,
nothing identifiable, no product or paraphernalia anywhere. Professor High cuts
in from his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:03) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE ORACLE seated, composed, checking a
   watch, entirely unbothered.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "Yeah, this edible ain't doing anything."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:03-0:06) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "Forty minutes."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:06-0:09) HARD CUT back to the IDENTICAL locked wide. Same chair, same
   framing, same light. THE ORACLE has not moved but is completely gone — eyes
   vacant, absolutely still. No comedy face.
   SAYS: nothing
   ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:09-0:14) Slow push-in on Professor High, direct to lens.
   SAYS: "Your liver turns THC into a different compound before you feel it.
   That is the delay. That is also why it does not stop where you expected."
   ON SCREEN: YOUR LIVER CHANGED THE DRUG
5. (0:14-0:15) Static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "Every time."
   ON SCREEN: nothing

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beat 4. Bold sans-serif, white with heavy
stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Near-silence under beats 1-3 — let the hard cut land
with no music. Bed enters on beat 4.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no edible or packaging visible in frame, no
paraphernalia. No medical claims. No real brand names. Do not show anyone
consuming — beat 1 is after the fact.

Professor High — THE COMEDY ENGINE — CE-008
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
  wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: The character plays it completely straight and genuinely worried — never
comic panic, never mugging. Professor High is warm and unbothered, the way a
friend is when they know you are fine. Never mocking. The audience should
recognise themselves and feel seen, not laughed at.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, mid-spiral. First frame is THE MAXIMIZER
already whispering. No title card, no narration first, no on-screen text before
0:09.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic living room at night — couch, one lamp, a
refrigerator audible but out of frame. Nothing cannabis-related visible, no
product, no paraphernalia. Professor High cuts in from his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE MAXIMIZER rigid on a couch,
   wide-eyed, whispering, barely moving.
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "Do you think they know? They know. Why is the fridge
   doing that. Has it always done that."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:09) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "The fridge has always done that. He has lived here four years."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:09-0:16) Slow push-in, warm, direct to lens.
   SAYS: "This is a ratio problem, not a character flaw. High THC with very
   little limonene or linalool beside it is the pattern that produces this —
   and limonene only leads about one in four strains."
   ON SCREEN: A RATIO, NOT A FLAW
4. (0:16-0:19) Locked wide back, completely unchanged from beat 1.
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "...Should I turn it off."
   SAYS (PROF): "Do not turn off the fridge."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:19-0:20) Static chest-up on Professor High, faint smile.
   SAYS: "Which one of you is this?"
   ON SCREEN: nothing

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beat 3. Bold sans-serif, white with heavy
stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Near-silence with a faint refrigerator hum under beats
1-2. Warm bed enters on beat 3.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims — this
is an observation about terpene ratios, not advice about anxiety. No real brand
names. Do not depict anyone consuming.