The Viral Bets — Scripts

Professor High — THE VIRAL BETS — VB-001
Runtime: 30 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
  Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
  experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Professor High agrees with the man while correcting him — warm, never
condescending. This episode is on the audience's side against the industry, not
against the audience. THE ORACLE is genuinely wistful, not a joke target.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, mid-complaint. First frame is THE ORACLE
already talking. No title card, no narration first, no on-screen text before
0:10.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic living room — couch, low lamp, nothing
identifiable, no product or paraphernalia. Professor High cuts in from his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE ORACLE mid-complaint, nostalgic,
   gesturing.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "—nah, back in the day you'd get a bag, half of it was stems,
   and you'd share ONE joint with four people and be done."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:10) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "He is right, and he is right for the wrong reason."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:10-0:20) Slow push-in, direct to lens. One THC card in the lower third.
   SAYS: "The weed did not get stronger by as much as everyone thinks. Average
   is twenty and a half percent and fewer than one in two hundred strains
   reaches thirty. What actually changed is that everything else got bred out."
   ON SCREEN: 20.5% AVERAGE
4. (0:20-0:26) Static chest-up, neutral.
   SAYS: "Chasing one number narrowed the whole shelf. He is not nostalgic for
   weaker weed. He is nostalgic for variety, and he is correct to be."
   ON SCREEN: HE MISSES VARIETY
5. (0:26-0:30) Static chest-up, deadpan. Closing card with the domain.
   SAYS: "Go look up what you smoked in 2012. This is why I'm high."
   ON SCREEN: THISISWHYIMHIGH.COM

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 3, 4 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white
with heavy stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Warm, slightly wistful bed. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real brand names or logos. Do not depict anyone consuming.

Professor High — THE VIRAL BETS — VB-002
Runtime: 30 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
  wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Completely clinical and procedural, like a real assessment. Professor
High is not mocking — he is administering. The comedy comes entirely from the
formality of the frame meeting the informality of the subject. Deadpan both
sides. This is the one episode where Professor High is IN the scene rather than
cut in, because the test is the setting.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD on the procedure already underway. First frame
is a clipboard and a seated subject. No title card, no narration, no on-screen
text before 0:11.

ENVIRONMENT: A stripped, clinical assessment room — a plain table, two chairs,
flat even light. Deliberately NOT the lab. Nothing cannabis-related visible, no
product, no paraphernalia. Institutional and slightly cold.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide two-shot. Professor High with a clipboard
   and a stopwatch. THE MAXIMIZER seated opposite, uneasy.
   SAYS (PROF): "Question one. Name the terpene in the jar you bought last
   week."
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "...It was a thirty-one."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:11) Shot-reverse-shot, deadpan on both sides.
   SAYS (PROF): "That is a number. Question two. Name any terpene."
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "...Indica?"
   SAYS (PROF): "That is a shelf."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:11-0:20) Slow push-in on Professor High, direct to lens. A three-name
   card enters the lower third.
   SAYS: "There are three that lead eighty-six percent of everything on the
   market. Myrcene. Limonene. Caryophyllene. If you know those three names, you
   can read almost any menu in the country."
   ON SCREEN: MYRCENE · LIMONENE · CARYOPHYLLENE
4. (0:20-0:26) Two-shot. Professor High lowers the clipboard.
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "...Do I pass?"
   SAYS (PROF): "You now know more than you did ninety seconds ago. That is the
   whole test."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:26-0:30) Static chest-up, deadpan. Closing card with the domain.
   SAYS: "Take the test on your own jar. This is why I'm high."
   ON SCREEN: THISISWHYIMHIGH.COM

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 3 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white with
heavy stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse, clinical, near-silent. A single soft timer tick
under beats 1-2.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real brand names or logos. Do not depict anyone consuming or intoxicated. Never
portray the subject as stupid — he is uninformed, not foolish.

Professor High — THE VIRAL BETS — VB-003
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
  Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
  experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Flat, patient, absolutely certain. Professor High repeats "look it up"
without emotion — the repetition is the joke. THE ORACLE is defensive and
increasingly less confident. Neither raises their voice.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, mid-argument. First frame is THE ORACLE
already making the claim. No title card, no narration first, no on-screen text
before 0:09.

CRITICAL — THE LOOKUP SHOT: Beat 3 must show a screen filling the frame with a
clean, readable strain page — a strain name and a clearly legible "Dominant
terpene: Limonene" line. Generic web layout in brand colours. This shot is the
punchline and it must be legible at a glance.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic living room — couch, low lamp, a laptop or
tablet within reach. Nothing cannabis-related visible, no product, no
paraphernalia. Professor High cuts in from his lab except during the lookup.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE ORACLE mid-argument, confident.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "—Sour D is a heavy myrcene strain, everyone knows that,
   that's why it's so—"
   SAYS (PROF, off screen): "Look it up."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:09) Shot-reverse-shot, deadpan.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "I don't need to look it up."
   SAYS (PROF): "Look it up."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:09-0:16) Slow push-in. A screen turns toward camera and fills the frame.
   A strain page is legible, dominant terpene reading Limonene.
   SAYS (PROF): "Limonene. Not myrcene. Has been the entire time you have been
   saying that."
   ON SCREEN: LIMONENE
4. (0:16-0:21) Two-shot. THE ORACLE visibly deflating.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "...That's a typo."
   SAYS (PROF): "It is not a typo."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:21-0:25) Static chest-up on Professor High, deadpan. Closing card with
   the domain.
   SAYS: "Look up your favourite. You will not like what you find. This is why
   I'm high."
   ON SCREEN: THISISWHYIMHIGH.COM

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 3 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white with
heavy stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Near-silence. A single soft page-load tone on beat 3.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real dispensary, producer, or lab names, and no competitor site branding on the
screen. Do not depict anyone consuming.

Professor High — THE VIRAL BETS — VB-004
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast
TONE: Direct, warm, efficient. No greeting, no preamble, no "great question."
He starts reading and does not stop. This is education grammar, so on-screen
text is expected — but keep it to the key term.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD on him reading the comment aloud. No title
card, no "hey everyone," no intro.

ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop, out-of-focus
shelving and glassware. The submitted comment stays pinned at the top of frame
for the whole video.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:04) Static chest-up. He is already reading. The comment is pinned at
   the top of frame.
   SAYS: "'Why does the same strain hit different every single time?'"
   ON SCREEN: the pinned comment
2. (0:04-0:14) Slow push-in, direct to lens. One card in the lower third.
   SAYS: "Three things move, and none of them are the strain. Your tolerance
   that week. What you ate. And whether the jar was fresh — terpenes evaporate,
   so an old eighth is chemically not the same eighth."
   ON SCREEN: TERPENES EVAPORATE
3. (0:14-0:18) Static chest-up, neutral.
   SAYS: "It is the same strain. It is not the same chemistry."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:18-0:20) Static chest-up, deadpan. Closing card with the domain.
   SAYS: "Ask me one. This is why I'm high."
   ON SCREEN: THISISWHYIMHIGH.COM

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Pinned comment top of frame throughout. Key-term card on
beat 2 only. Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke. Keep 250px clear at
bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Lo-fi lab bed, low. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real brand names. Never invent a comment — use a real one, and never show a
username without permission.

Professor High — THE VIRAL BETS — VB-005
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
  wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- THE FIRST-TIMER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-first-timer-v1 if you have built it, or
  cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: small, upright and sincere, asks
  the question nobody else will.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: Deadpan and even-handed. Neither type is mocked — the Chaser is having a
great time and the Reader is not smug. The audience must be able to claim
either one without embarrassment, or the taxonomy dies.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start on the split frame and the line together. No title
card. On-screen text starts at 0:05 and is only ever the label word.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic dispensary counter, shown as a clean vertical
split — the same counter twice, one figure in each half. No real brand names,
no product visible. Warm retail lighting. Professor High voices over
throughout and appears only on the final beat.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) Locked wide. Vertical split frame: THE MAXIMIZER on the left,
   THE FIRST-TIMER on the right, same counter, doing opposite things.
   SAYS (PROF): "There are two kinds of people at a dispensary and you already
   know which one you are."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:11) Slow push-in on the left panel; right panel dims.
   SAYS (PROF): "The Chaser reads one number. The biggest one. He has never
   read a strain name in his life and he is having a great time."
   SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "Thirty-one."
   ON SCREEN: CHASER
3. (0:11-0:17) Slow push-in on the right panel; left panel dims.
   SAYS (PROF): "The Reader looks at the panel. Knows what myrcene does. Buys
   the boring number on purpose, and gets the night she actually wanted."
   ON SCREEN: READER
4. (0:17-0:20) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan. Closing card.
   SAYS: "Chaser or Reader. Comments. This is why I'm high."
   ON SCREEN: CHASER OR READER?

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Single large label word centred on beats 2 and 3 — this
is the exception to the comedy no-text rule, because the words ARE the payload.
Pineapple yellow #D98E04. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Light bed with a distinct two-note sting on each label
reveal — the same sting every time this taxonomy appears in any future video.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real brand names or logos. Never portray the Chaser as stupid — he is happy and
uninformed, and the audience must be able to claim him.

Professor High — THE VIRAL BETS — VB-006
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
  Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
  experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast

TONE: THE ORACLE pitches with total corporate sincerity, as if in a real
meeting. Professor High reads the absurd names completely flatly — no comic
emphasis, no smirk. The flatness is the joke.

IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, mid-pitch. First frame is THE ORACLE already
proposing a name. No title card, no narration first, no on-screen text before
0:11.

FILL BEFORE SHOOTING: Beat 3 contains [DATA: ...] tokens. Replace each with a
genuinely absurd REAL strain name verified to exist in the database. Do not
invent names — the joke depends entirely on them being real and searchable.

ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic meeting room — a table, a whiteboard, flat
office light. Deliberately corporate and mundane. Nothing cannabis-related
visible. Professor High cuts in from his lab.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE ORACLE standing at a whiteboard,
   pitching with total sincerity. A long silence after the line.
   SAYS (ORACLE): "—okay, hear me out. Gorilla Glue. But it's number four."
   [beat] "Because there were three."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:11) Cut to Professor High, static chest-up, deadpan.
   SAYS: "This is how strains are named. There is no committee. There is no
   standard. There is a guy."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:11-0:19) Slow push-in. He reads from a clipboard, completely flat.
   SAYS: "[NAME 1]. [NAME 2]. [NAME 3]. Every one of those is real, in the
   database, and sold at a counter to an adult."
   ON SCREEN: ALL REAL. ALL FOR SALE.
4. (0:19-0:23) Static chest-up, direct to lens.
   SAYS: "The name tells you nothing. The panel tells you everything. And only
   one of those is regulated."
   ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:23-0:25) Static chest-up, the faintest smile. Closing card with domain.
   SAYS: "Go find a worse one than mine. This is why I'm high."
   ON SCREEN: THISISWHYIMHIGH.COM

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Text ONLY on beats 3 and 5. Bold sans-serif, white with
heavy stroke, lower third. Keep 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.

AUDIO: Original sound. Flat, mundane office ambience under beats 1-2. Bed
enters on beat 3.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
real producer or dispensary names — strain names only, and only ones verified
to exist. Do not depict anyone consuming.