If Labels Told The Truth — Scripts

Show concept: If Labels Told The Truth. Character and shot rules: Production Spec. Numbers: Verified Data Sheet.

Every episode ends on the catchphrase. “This is why I’m high.” The line is the domain, so the sign-off does the funnel work with no “link in bio.” Delivered flat and sincere, never explained, never in the first three seconds. See The Funnel.

Pack Summary

Each episode ships in two formats: a video reveal for TikTok and Reels, and a static side-by-side for Instagram carousel and X. Same copy, two surfaces.

ID	Label	Runtime	Register	Test Variable
`LBL-001`	”Top Shelf”	20s	Comedy	Baseline — does parody beat explainer
`LBL-002`	”Private Reserve”	20s	Comedy	Second in a series, same shape
`LBL-003`	The honest label	25s	Comedy, inverted	Does the anti-joke land
`LBL-004`	Edible packaging	20s	Comedy	Category shift
`LBL-005`	”35% THC”	25s	Comedy carrying the hardest number	The thesis episode

Never reproduce a real producer’s label, logo, or brand name. Every “real” label in this show is a recreated generic graphic using invented brand names. Parodying an identifiable company’s packaging is a trademark problem with no upside, and the joke does not need a real target — the joke is the category of language.

The comedy is deadpan. The honest label is written in the same flat regulatory voice as the original. Nothing is exaggerated for effect — the humor comes entirely from accurate information appearing in a place that never contains any.

LBL-001 — “Top Shelf”


Runtime	20 seconds
Pillar	Myth Busting
Register	Comedy
CTA type	Save
Test variable	Baseline. Does a pure parody format outperform an explainer carrying the same message?
Data needed	Verified: myrcene dominates 45.8% of strains.

Hooks

Slot	ID	Line
A	`CM-02`	”This label says ‘top shelf.’ Let’s translate.”
B	`KG-06`	”Nobody told you what ‘top shelf’ actually means.”
C	`BC-05`	”The strain name on your jar is marketing.”

The Two Labels

Real Label	Honest Label
TOP SHELF	SHELF: ONE OF THEM
Hand-Trimmed · Premium Indoor	Trimmed by a person, as is all cannabis
THC 24.1%	THC 24.1%, which is 3.6 points above average and will not feel like it
Indica-Dominant Hybrid	Myrcene-dominant, like 45.8% of all cannabis
$60 / 3.5g	$60 because the jar is nice

Script

Time	Voiceover	On Screen	Shot
0:00-0:03	”This label says top shelf. Let’s translate it.”	LET’S TRANSLATE	deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
0:03-0:09	(no voiceover — let them read)	(real label held on screen)	neutral, holding label still + locked wide + real label centered
0:09-0:11	(wipe transition, no voiceover)	(wipe to honest label)	whip cut to + honest label replacing it, same template
0:11-0:18	(no voiceover — let them read)	(honest label held on screen)	neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
0:18-0:20	”Top shelf describes a shelf.”	IT DESCRIBES A SHELF	deadpan, direct to lens + static chest-up + closing card

Caption

“Top shelf” is a description of furniture. Myrcene-dominant describes 45.8% of all cannabis. One of those tells you something about your night. Save this for the counter. This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.com

Hashtags #iflabelstoldthetruth #cannabislabels #terpenes #dispensary #cannabiseducation Cantina Prompt

Professor High — IF LABELS TOLD THE TRUTH — LBL-001
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast
TONE: Flat and dry. The comedy is the situation, not the delivery. Sincere
throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is
funny.

ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. Recreated generic product
labels fill the frame for most of the runtime — invented brand names only,
never a real producer's packaging, logo, or trade dress.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:03) deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
   SAYS: "This label says top shelf. Let's translate it."
   ON SCREEN: LET'S TRANSLATE
2. (0:03-0:09) neutral, holding label still + locked wide + real label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover — let them read)
   ON SCREEN: (real label held on screen)
3. (0:09-0:11) whip cut to + honest label replacing it, same template
   AUDIO/ACTION: (wipe transition, no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (wipe to honest label)
4. (0:11-0:18) neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover — let them read)
   ON SCREEN: (honest label held on screen)
5. (0:18-0:20) deadpan, direct to lens + static chest-up + closing card
   SAYS: "Top shelf describes a shelf."
   ON SCREEN: IT DESCRIBES A SHELF

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words
per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced.
Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top.

AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed, very low. A single clean wipe sound on the label swap. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No
medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos.

LBL-002 — “Private Reserve”


Runtime	20 seconds
Pillar	Myth Busting
Register	Comedy
CTA type	Comment
Test variable	Second episode, identical structure. Tests whether the format is repeatable or a one-time joke.
Data needed	Verified: average THC 20.5%.

Hooks

Slot	ID	Line
A	`CM-02`	”This label says ‘top shelf.’ Let’s translate.” (adapt: Private Reserve)
B	`BC-05`	”The strain name on your jar is marketing.”
C	`KG-06`	”Nobody told you what ‘top shelf’ actually means.”

The Two Labels

Real Label	Honest Label
PRIVATE RESERVE	WE KEPT THE PRETTY JARS
Small Batch · Limited Release	Every batch is small if you weigh it
Connoisseur Grade	Grade assigned by us, about our own product
THC 22.8%	THC 22.8%. Average is 20.5%. This is a normal jar
Cured 21 Days	This part is real and actually matters

Script

Time	Voiceover	On Screen	Shot
0:00-0:03	”Private reserve. Reserved from whom.”	RESERVED FROM WHOM	deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
0:03-0:09	(no voiceover)	(real label held)	neutral, holding still + locked wide + real label centered
0:09-0:11	(wipe transition)	(wipe to honest label)	whip cut to + honest label, same template
0:11-0:18	(no voiceover)	(honest label held)	neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
0:18-0:20	”The cure time was the only honest line on there.”	THE CURE TIME WAS REAL	neutral, faint approval + static chest-up + closing card

Caption

“Private reserve” and “connoisseur grade” are grades a company assigned to its own product. The 21-day cure is the only line on that label doing real work. What’s the most meaningless phrase you’ve seen on a jar? This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.com

Hashtags #iflabelstoldthetruth #cannabislabels #dispensary #cannabismarketing #cannabiseducation Cantina Prompt

Professor High — IF LABELS TOLD THE TRUTH — LBL-002
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast
TONE: Flat and dry. The comedy is the situation, not the delivery. Sincere
throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is
funny.

ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. Recreated generic product
labels fill the frame for most of the runtime — invented brand names only,
never a real producer's packaging, logo, or trade dress.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:03) deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
   SAYS: "Private reserve. Reserved from whom."
   ON SCREEN: RESERVED FROM WHOM
2. (0:03-0:09) neutral, holding still + locked wide + real label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (real label held)
3. (0:09-0:11) whip cut to + honest label, same template
   AUDIO/ACTION: (wipe transition)
   ON SCREEN: (wipe to honest label)
4. (0:11-0:18) neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (honest label held)
5. (0:18-0:20) neutral, faint approval + static chest-up + closing card
   SAYS: "The cure time was the only honest line on there."
   ON SCREEN: THE CURE TIME WAS REAL

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words
per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced.
Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top.

AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed, very low. A single clean wipe sound on the label swap. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No
medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos.

LBL-003 — The Honest Label


Runtime	25 seconds
Pillar	Myth Busting
Register	Comedy, inverted — the anti-joke
CTA type	Comment
Test variable	Does subverting the format land, or does the audience just feel the punchline is missing? A real structural risk worth measuring.
Data needed	Verified: terpinolene dominates 4.5% of strains.

Hooks

Slot	ID	Line
A	`CM-02`	”This label says ‘top shelf.’ Let’s translate.”
B	`DD-04`	”Terpinolene leads about 1 in 22 strains.”
C	`BC-06`	”You have never actually tried terpinolene.”

The Two Labels

Real Label	Honest Label
Terpinolene-Dominant	Terpinolene-Dominant
Total Terpenes 3.1% · Terpinolene 1.4%	Total Terpenes 3.1% · Terpinolene 1.4%
THC 18.2% · CBD 0.4%	THC 18.2% · CBD 0.4%
Harvest 03/2026 · Cured 24 Days	Harvest 03/2026 · Cured 24 Days
Lab: Full panel available via QR	Lab: Full panel available via QR

Script

Time	Voiceover	On Screen	Shot
0:00-0:03	”Let’s translate this one.”	LET’S TRANSLATE	deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
0:03-0:10	(no voiceover)	(real label held)	neutral, holding still + locked wide + real label centered
0:10-0:12	(wipe transition)	(wipe to honest label — identical)	whip cut to + identical label
0:12-0:19	(no voiceover — let the identical label sit uncomfortably long)	(identical label held)	neutral, motionless + locked wide + identical label centered
0:19-0:25	”There was nothing to translate. Terpene percentages, THC, harvest date, cure time, full panel behind the code. This is what a label looks like when somebody is not selling you a feeling.”	NOTHING TO TRANSLATE	neutral, warm, direct to lens + static chest-up + closing card

Caption

Ran this one through the honesty filter and nothing changed. Terpene percentages, cannabinoids, harvest date, cure time, full panel behind a QR code. This is what a label looks like when nobody is selling you a feeling. They exist. Ask for them. This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.com

Hashtags #iflabelstoldthetruth #cannabislabels #terpinolene #cannabistesting #cannabiseducation Cantina Prompt

Professor High — IF LABELS TOLD THE TRUTH — LBL-003
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast
TONE: Flat and dry. The comedy is the situation, not the delivery. Sincere
throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is
funny.

ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. Recreated generic product
labels fill the frame for most of the runtime — invented brand names only,
never a real producer's packaging, logo, or trade dress.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:03) deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
   SAYS: "Let's translate this one."
   ON SCREEN: LET'S TRANSLATE
2. (0:03-0:10) neutral, holding still + locked wide + real label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (real label held)
3. (0:10-0:12) whip cut to + identical label
   AUDIO/ACTION: (wipe transition)
   ON SCREEN: (wipe to honest label — identical)
4. (0:12-0:19) neutral, motionless + locked wide + identical label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover — let the identical label sit uncomfortably long)
   ON SCREEN: (identical label held)
5. (0:19-0:25) neutral, warm, direct to lens + static chest-up + closing card
   SAYS: "There was nothing to translate. Terpene percentages, THC, harvest date,
   cure time, full panel behind the code. This is what a label looks like
   when somebody is not selling you a feeling."
   ON SCREEN: NOTHING TO TRANSLATE

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words
per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced.
Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top.

AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed, very low. A single clean wipe sound on the label swap. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No
medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos.

LBL-004 — Edible Packaging


Runtime	20 seconds
Pillar	Myth Busting
Register	Comedy
CTA type	Save
Test variable	Category shift from flower to edibles. Does the format travel outside strain content?
Data needed	None from database — dosing and metabolism only.

Hooks

Slot	ID	Line
A	`CM-05`	”Warning: 96% myrcene. You will think about ceiling fans.” (adapt for edibles)
B	`KG-01`	”There’s a reason edibles hit ten times harder.”
C	`CM-02`	”This label says ‘top shelf.’ Let’s translate.”

The Two Labels

Real Label	Honest Label
10mg per piece	10mg per piece, on paper
100mg per package	100mg per package. You will eat two and feel nothing for 45 minutes
Start low, go slow	Start low, go slow. Nobody has ever done this
Effects may vary	Effects will vary, because your liver converts this into a different compound than the one on this label
Keep refrigerated	Keep refrigerated

Script

Time	Voiceover	On Screen	Shot
0:00-0:03	”Edible packaging. This one is a public service.”	A PUBLIC SERVICE	deadpan + static chest-up + real package graphic full-frame
0:03-0:09	(no voiceover)	(real label held)	neutral, holding still + locked wide + real package centered
0:09-0:11	(wipe transition)	(wipe to honest label)	whip cut to + honest label, same template
0:11-0:18	(no voiceover)	(honest label held)	neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
0:18-0:20	”Your liver is the actual dosing instruction. Save this.”	YOUR LIVER IS THE DOSE	deadpan + static chest-up + closing card

Caption

“Start low, go slow” is on every package and nobody has ever done it. The dose on the label isn’t the compound you feel — your liver converts THC into something that crosses into the brain more readily. Save this before your next one. This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.com

Hashtags #iflabelstoldthetruth #edibles #cannabislabels #cannabisdosing #cannabiseducation Cantina Prompt

Professor High — IF LABELS TOLD THE TRUTH — LBL-004
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast
TONE: Flat and dry. The comedy is the situation, not the delivery. Sincere
throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is
funny.

ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. Recreated generic product
labels fill the frame for most of the runtime — invented brand names only,
never a real producer's packaging, logo, or trade dress.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:03) deadpan + static chest-up + real package graphic full-frame
   SAYS: "Edible packaging. This one is a public service."
   ON SCREEN: A PUBLIC SERVICE
2. (0:03-0:09) neutral, holding still + locked wide + real package centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (real label held)
3. (0:09-0:11) whip cut to + honest label, same template
   AUDIO/ACTION: (wipe transition)
   ON SCREEN: (wipe to honest label)
4. (0:11-0:18) neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (honest label held)
5. (0:18-0:20) deadpan + static chest-up + closing card
   SAYS: "Your liver is the actual dosing instruction. Save this."
   ON SCREEN: YOUR LIVER IS THE DOSE

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words
per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced.
Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top.

AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed, very low. A single clean wipe sound on the label swap. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No
medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos.

LBL-005 — “35% THC”


Runtime	25 seconds
Pillar	Myth Busting
Register	Comedy carrying the hardest number we have
CTA type	Comment
Test variable	The thesis episode. Highest share-rate candidate in the pack — parody form wrapped around the strongest verified claim.
Data needed	Verified: under 0.5% of strains reach 30%; ceiling on record 34.8%; average 20.5%.

Hooks

Slot	ID	Line
A	`DD-02`	”Almost no strain actually hits 30% THC.”
B	`BC-01`	”THC percentage is the biggest scam in cannabis.”
C	`CM-02`	”This label says ‘top shelf.’ Let’s translate.”

The Two Labels

Real Label	Honest Label
35.2% THC	35.2% THC, allegedly
Highest Potency Available	Higher than any strain we have ever recorded
Lab Verified	Verified by a lab paid by the people selling this
Ultra Premium	The highest figure we have ever recorded is 34.8%
$75 / 3.5g	$75 for a number

Script

Time	Voiceover	On Screen	Shot
0:00-0:03	”Thirty-five point two percent. Let’s translate.”	35.2%	deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
0:03-0:10	(no voiceover)	(real label held)	neutral, holding still + locked wide + real label centered
0:10-0:12	(wipe transition)	(wipe to honest label)	whip cut to + honest label, same template
0:12-0:20	(no voiceover)	(honest label held)	neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
0:20-0:25	”Fewer than one in two hundred strains reaches thirty. This one claims to beat every strain we have ever recorded. For seventy-five dollars.”	FEWER THAN 1 IN 200	deadpan, direct to lens + static chest-up + closing card

Caption

Fewer than 1 in 200 strains reaches 30% THC. The highest figure we have on record anywhere is 34.8%. This label claims 35.2%. For $75. What’s the highest number you’ve seen on a menu? This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.com

Hashtags #iflabelstoldthetruth #thcpercentage #cannabislabels #cannabistesting #cannabiseducation Cantina Prompt

Professor High — IF LABELS TOLD THE TRUTH — LBL-005
Runtime: 25 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
  personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
  main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
  recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
  rules: /social/cast
TONE: Flat and dry. The comedy is the situation, not the delivery. Sincere
throughout, never winking at the camera or acknowledging that the premise is
funny.

ENVIRONMENT: Working research lab. Dark pine-green backdrop. Recreated generic product
labels fill the frame for most of the runtime — invented brand names only,
never a real producer's packaging, logo, or trade dress.

SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:03) deadpan + static chest-up + real label graphic full-frame
   SAYS: "Thirty-five point two percent. Let's translate."
   ON SCREEN: 35.2%
2. (0:03-0:10) neutral, holding still + locked wide + real label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (real label held)
3. (0:10-0:12) whip cut to + honest label, same template
   AUDIO/ACTION: (wipe transition)
   ON SCREEN: (wipe to honest label)
4. (0:12-0:20) neutral, motionless + locked wide + honest label centered
   AUDIO/ACTION: (no voiceover)
   ON SCREEN: (honest label held)
5. (0:20-0:25) deadpan, direct to lens + static chest-up + closing card
   SAYS: "Fewer than one in two hundred strains reaches thirty. This one claims
   to beat every strain we have ever recorded. For seventy-five dollars."
   ON SCREEN: FEWER THAN 1 IN 200

ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, max 6 words
per line, lower third. Key terms in pineapple yellow #D98E04. Word-synced.
Keep 250px clear at the bottom and 120px at the top.

AUDIO: Lo-fi lab bed, very low. A single clean wipe sound on the label swap. Voice normalized loudest.

DO NOT: No smoking, no lit product, no cannabis paraphernalia in frame. No
medical claims. No real dispensary, producer, or lab names. No logos.

Production Batch Notes

Every label is a recreated generic graphic. Invented brand names, invented producer names, no real logos. The joke targets a category of language, never a company.
Both labels use the identical template — same font, same layout, same spacing. The only variable is the copy. That visual sameness is what makes the swap land.
Hold each label on screen long enough to actually read. Roughly six seconds per label. The instinct to cut faster is wrong here; the audience needs to finish reading before the wipe.
Voiceover is minimal by design. The words on screen carry the episode. This is the only show in the library where silence is most of the runtime.
Watermark every frame. This format gets screenshotted and reposted more than any other, and an unwatermarked screenshot is free content for someone else.
Ship the static carousel version the same day. Instagram and X will outperform TikTok on this format and the static version costs almost nothing once the graphics exist.
LBL-003 is the structural risk. An anti-joke either lands as a genuinely warm moment or reads as a missing punchline. If it underperforms badly, cut the inverted variant and keep the format straight.

Show concept

Format, cadence, success metrics.

Verified Data

Every number on every honest label.

Testing Framework

How this pack gets read.

Start Here

Research

Character

Show Bible

Strategy

Scripts

The 100

Tentpole Shows

TIWIH Series

High IQ Series

Recurring Shows

Story Arcs

Cross-Platform Franchises

Viral Formats

Seasonal & Specials

If Labels Told The Truth — Scripts

Pack Summary

LBL-001 — “Top Shelf”

LBL-002 — “Private Reserve”

LBL-003 — The Honest Label

LBL-004 — Edible Packaging

LBL-005 — “35% THC”

Production Batch Notes

Show concept

Verified Data

Testing Framework

​Pack Summary

​LBL-001 — “Top Shelf”

​LBL-002 — “Private Reserve”

​LBL-003 — The Honest Label

​LBL-004 — Edible Packaging

​LBL-005 — “35% THC”

​Production Batch Notes

​Related

Show concept

Verified Data

Testing Framework

Pack Summary

LBL-001 — “Top Shelf”

LBL-002 — “Private Reserve”

LBL-003 — The Honest Label

LBL-004 — Edible Packaging

LBL-005 — “35% THC”

Production Batch Notes

Related