Arm 4 — Control. Not optimised for anything. Test design: The 100. Character: Character Config.
Why This Pack Exists
Ninety scripts in this slate are bets. These ten are measurements. Every other pack varies many things at once — format, hook, runtime, register, cast, topic — which means when one out-performs another we can rank them but we cannot say why. That is fine for finding a winner and useless for building a rule. This pack fixes one fact, one hook family, one runtime slot and one posting slot, then flips exactly one variable between two videos. Whatever difference shows up is attributable, because nothing else moved.These five pairs answer the five questions the rest of the library keeps guessing at — including the two logged as open since the Comedy Engine rewrite:
- Does burned-in text help or hurt a comedy episode?
- Does the cold-open rewrite actually beat the narrated original?
- Is 15s or 30s better for the same content?
- Does the same fact travel further as a joke or as data?
- Does an explicit CTA cost reach?
The Protocol
If the protocol is not followed, the pack produces nothing. These are the only scripts in the library where sloppy release invalidates the result rather than merely muddying it.
| Rule | Why |
|---|---|
| Post twins 7 days apart, same weekday, same hour | Day-of-week and time-of-day both move reach more than most of the variables we are testing |
| Never post both twins in the same week | They compete for the same audience and cannibalise each other |
| Same hook family, same hook slot | Hook family is the largest single variable in the library. It must be held constant |
| Same sound treatment | Original sound on both, identical bed |
| Different fact per pair, identical fact within a pair | Stops the five pairs from cannibalising each other while keeping each pair clean |
| Log both rows before either posts | Retro-fitting a log row is how a control becomes an anecdote |
| Minimum 4 pairs before concluding anything | A single pair is a coin flip. Re-run each pair with a second fact before acting |
The Five Pairs
| Pair | A | B | The variable | The fact held constant |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| A | CTL-001 | CTL-002 | Burned-in text vs none | Myrcene 45.8% |
| B | CTL-003 | CTL-004 | 15s vs 30s | THC average 20.5% |
| C | CTL-005 | CTL-006 | Cold open vs narrated open | Sour Diesel is limonene |
| D | CTL-007 | CTL-008 | Comedy register vs data register | No top-ten strain clears 25% |
| E | CTL-009 | CTL-010 | Explicit CTA vs catchphrase only | Three terpenes lead 86% |
What counts as a result. A difference under roughly 20% on the primary metric is noise at our volumes and should be recorded as no effect. Anything larger, replicated across a second pair with a different fact, becomes a library rule and goes into the production spec.
CTL-001 — Text (Pair A)
| Runtime | 20 seconds |
| Register | Comedy |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-002 — identical script, no burned-in text |
| Variable | Burned-in text present |
| Primary metric | Completion rate |
| Data needed | Verified: myrcene 45.8%. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | OL-89 | ”These two bought the same thing twice and do not know it.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:05 | MAXIMIZER: “I’ve got two completely different ones this week.” ORACLE: “What are they?” MAXIMIZER: (reading) “This one and this one.” | TWO “DIFFERENT” ONES | two on a couch + locked wide two-shot |
| 0:05-0:13 | PROF: “Nearly half of all cannabis is led by the same terpene. Both of those are myrcene. He has bought the same thing twice and paid different prices for it.” | MYRCENE 45.8% | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:13-0:17 | MAXIMIZER: “They’re different colours.” PROF: “They are.” | THEY ARE DIFFERENT COLOURS | back to couch, then Prof + whip cut |
| 0:17-0:20 | PROF: “Chaser or Reader. This is why I’m high.” | CHASER OR READER? | Professor High + closing card |
Nearly half of all cannabis is led by the same terpene. Two “completely different” jars are very often the same profile with different names on them. Chaser or Reader? This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.comHashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #myrcene #terpenes #dispensary #cannabisculture
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-001 (Pair A, variant WITH TEXT)
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-002, is the IDENTICAL
script, identical shots, identical timing and identical delivery with NO
on-screen text at all. Everything except the text must match between the two
exactly. Do not improve, re-time, or re-word anything here without making the
same change in CTL-002.
IMPORTANT — THIS VARIANT CARRIES BURNED-IN TEXT ON EVERY BEAT. That is the
variable under test.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD mid-conversation. No title card, no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: A stylized living room, plain couch, blank wall. He holds
NOTHING — he gestures at two empty spots on a table. No product, packaging or
paraphernalia visible. No brands or logos. Professor High is cut in from his
lab.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide two-shot on the couch.
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "I've got two completely different ones this week."
SAYS (ORACLE): "What are they?"
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "This one and this one."
ON SCREEN: TWO "DIFFERENT" ONES
2. (0:05-0:13) Cut to Professor High in the lab. Static chest-up, deadpan.
SAYS (PROF): "Nearly half of all cannabis is led by the same terpene. Both
of those are myrcene. He has bought the same thing twice and paid different
prices for it."
ON SCREEN: MYRCENE 45.8%
3. (0:13-0:17) Whip cut to the couch, then back to Professor High.
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "They're different colours."
SAYS (PROF): "They are."
ON SCREEN: THEY ARE DIFFERENT COLOURS
4. (0:17-0:20) Professor High, static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Chaser or Reader. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: CHASER OR READER?
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on the key term. 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse nature-documentary strings. This bed must be
IDENTICAL in CTL-002.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no packaging, no paraphernalia. No medical
claims. No real brand, dispensary or producer names.
CTL-002 — No Text (Pair A)
| Runtime | 20 seconds |
| Register | Comedy |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-001 — identical script, burned-in text on every beat |
| Variable | No burned-in text |
| Primary metric | Completion rate |
| Data needed | Verified: myrcene 45.8%. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | OL-89 | ”These two bought the same thing twice and do not know it.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:05 | MAXIMIZER: “I’ve got two completely different ones this week.” ORACLE: “What are they?” MAXIMIZER: (reading) “This one and this one.” | (none) | two on a couch + locked wide two-shot |
| 0:05-0:13 | PROF: “Nearly half of all cannabis is led by the same terpene. Both of those are myrcene. He has bought the same thing twice and paid different prices for it.” | (none) | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up |
| 0:13-0:17 | MAXIMIZER: “They’re different colours.” PROF: “They are.” | (none) | back to couch, then Prof + whip cut |
| 0:17-0:20 | PROF: “Chaser or Reader. This is why I’m high.” | (none) | Professor High + static chest-up |
Nearly half of all cannabis is led by the same terpene. Two “completely different” jars are very often the same profile with different names on them. Chaser or Reader? This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.comHashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #myrcene #terpenes #dispensary #cannabisculture
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-002 (Pair A, variant WITHOUT TEXT)
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-001, is the IDENTICAL
script with burned-in text on every beat. Everything except the text must
match exactly — same shots, same timing, same delivery, same audio bed.
IMPORTANT — THIS VARIANT HAS NO ON-SCREEN TEXT AT ANY POINT. Not a card, not a
caption, not a closing tag, not a watermark. Zero. That is the variable under
test. Do not add the catchphrase as text — it is spoken only.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD mid-conversation. No title card, no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: A stylized living room, plain couch, blank wall. He holds
NOTHING — he gestures at two empty spots on a table. No product, packaging or
paraphernalia visible. No brands or logos. Professor High is cut in from his
lab.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Locked wide two-shot on the couch.
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "I've got two completely different ones this week."
SAYS (ORACLE): "What are they?"
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "This one and this one."
ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:05-0:13) Cut to Professor High in the lab. Static chest-up, deadpan.
SAYS (PROF): "Nearly half of all cannabis is led by the same terpene. Both
of those are myrcene. He has bought the same thing twice and paid different
prices for it."
ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:13-0:17) Whip cut to the couch, then back to Professor High.
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "They're different colours."
SAYS (PROF): "They are."
ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:17-0:20) Professor High, static chest-up.
SAYS (PROF): "Chaser or Reader. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: nothing
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: None. This video contains no text of any kind.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse nature-documentary strings, IDENTICAL to
CTL-001.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no packaging, no paraphernalia. No medical
claims. No real brand, dispensary or producer names. No text.
CTL-003 — Fifteen (Pair B)
| Runtime | 15 seconds |
| Register | Data-led |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-004 — same content, 30 seconds |
| Variable | Short cut |
| Primary metric | Views, then completion rate |
| Data needed | Verified: average THC 20.5%; 10.6% reach 25%; 0.4% reach 30%. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | DD-05 | ”The average strain is 20.5% THC. Yours is not special.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:05 | PROF: (already talking) “The average strain is twenty and a half percent. That is what normal looks like.” | AVERAGE: 20.5% | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:05-0:11 | PROF: “About one in ten reaches twenty-five. Fewer than one in two hundred reaches thirty. If a menu is full of thirties, the menu is the problem.” | 1 IN 200 REACH 30% | Professor High + slow push-in + card change |
| 0:11-0:15 | PROF: “Yours is normal. Normal is good. This is why I’m high.” | THIS IS WHY I’M HIGH | Professor High + closing card |
The average strain is 20.5% THC. About 1 in 10 reaches 25%. Fewer than 1 in 200 reaches 30%. If a menu is full of 30%+ flower, the menu is the problem. This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.comHashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #thcpercentage #dispensary #cannabiseducation #terpenes
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-003 (Pair B, variant SHORT / 15s)
Runtime: 15 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-004, carries the SAME
FACTS and the SAME conclusion at 30 seconds with the same shot vocabulary,
same text treatment and same audio bed. Only the length and the amount of
elaboration differ. Do not change the facts, the framing or the closing line
between the two.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, already mid-sentence. No title card, no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: Professor High's lab. Stylized, clean, warm practical lighting.
No product, packaging or paraphernalia. No brands or logos.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Static chest-up, deadpan. Single card, lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "The average strain is twenty and a half percent. That is what
normal looks like."
ON SCREEN: AVERAGE: 20.5%
2. (0:05-0:11) Slow push-in. Card changes.
SAYS (PROF): "About one in ten reaches twenty-five. Fewer than one in two
hundred reaches thirty. If a menu is full of thirties, the menu is the
problem."
ON SCREEN: 1 IN 200 REACH 30%
3. (0:11-0:15) Static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Yours is normal. Normal is good. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: THIS IS WHY I'M HIGH
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on the numbers. 250px clear at bottom, 120px at top.
IDENTICAL treatment in CTL-004.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed in CTL-004.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No real
dispensary, brand, producer or lab named or implied.
CTL-004 — Thirty (Pair B)
| Runtime | 30 seconds |
| Register | Data-led |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-003 — same content, 15 seconds |
| Variable | Long cut |
| Primary metric | Views, then completion rate |
| Data needed | Verified: average THC 20.5%; 10.6% reach 25%; 0.4% reach 30%; max on record 34.8%. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | DD-05 | ”The average strain is 20.5% THC. Yours is not special.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:05 | PROF: (already talking) “The average strain is twenty and a half percent. That is what normal looks like.” | AVERAGE: 20.5% | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:05-0:13 | PROF: “About one in ten reaches twenty-five percent. That already puts it in the top tenth of everything measured, which is not how it gets described on a board.” | 1 IN 10 REACH 25% | Professor High + card change |
| 0:13-0:21 | PROF: “Fewer than one in two hundred reaches thirty. The single highest figure on record in our data is thirty-four point eight. Boards routinely list numbers above that.” | 1 IN 200 REACH 30% · MAX 34.8% | Professor High + slow push-in + card change |
| 0:21-0:26 | PROF: “So if a menu is full of thirties, the menu is the problem. Not your tolerance, not your technique, and not the plant.” | THE MENU IS THE PROBLEM | Professor High + card change |
| 0:26-0:30 | PROF: “Yours is normal. Normal is good. This is why I’m high.” | THIS IS WHY I’M HIGH | Professor High + closing card |
The average strain is 20.5% THC. About 1 in 10 reaches 25% — already the top tenth of everything measured. Fewer than 1 in 200 reaches 30%, and the highest figure on record in our data is 34.8%. If a menu is full of 30%+ flower, the menu is the problem. Not your tolerance. This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.comHashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #thcpercentage #dispensary #cannabiseducation #terpenes
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-004 (Pair B, variant LONG / 30s)
Runtime: 30 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan. IDENTICAL delivery to CTL-003 — same pace
per line, same energy. The extra fifteen seconds is more material, not slower
material.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-003, carries the same
facts and the same closing line in 15 seconds. Same shot vocabulary, same text
treatment, same audio bed. Only length and elaboration differ.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, already mid-sentence, with the IDENTICAL
first line as CTL-003. No title card, no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: Professor High's lab. Stylized, clean, warm practical lighting.
No product, packaging or paraphernalia. No brands or logos.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:05) COLD OPEN. Static chest-up, deadpan. Single card, lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "The average strain is twenty and a half percent. That is what
normal looks like."
ON SCREEN: AVERAGE: 20.5%
2. (0:05-0:13) Same framing. Card changes.
SAYS (PROF): "About one in ten reaches twenty-five percent. That already
puts it in the top tenth of everything measured, which is not how it gets
described on a board."
ON SCREEN: 1 IN 10 REACH 25%
3. (0:13-0:21) Slow push-in. Card changes.
SAYS (PROF): "Fewer than one in two hundred reaches thirty. The single
highest figure on record in our data is thirty-four point eight. Boards
routinely list numbers above that."
ON SCREEN: 1 IN 200 REACH 30% - MAX 34.8%
4. (0:21-0:26) Card changes.
SAYS (PROF): "So if a menu is full of thirties, the menu is the problem.
Not your tolerance, not your technique, and not the plant."
ON SCREEN: THE MENU IS THE PROBLEM
5. (0:26-0:30) Static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Yours is normal. Normal is good. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: THIS IS WHY I'M HIGH
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on the numbers. IDENTICAL treatment to CTL-003. 250px
clear at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed to CTL-003.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No real
dispensary, brand, producer or lab named or implied.
CTL-005 — Cold Open (Pair C)
| Runtime | 22 seconds |
| Register | Comedy |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-006 — same content, Professor High opens |
| Variable | Opens on archetype dialogue |
| Primary metric | 3-second hold rate |
| Data needed | Verified: Sour Diesel is limonene-dominant. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | PI-02 | (Cold open mid-sentence, no context or setup) |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:06 | ORACLE: (mid-argument, gesturing) “—no, because Sour Diesel is a myrcene strain, that’s why it does that to you. That’s just the chemistry.” | (none) | THE ORACLE on a couch, already talking + locked wide |
| 0:06-0:14 | PROF: “It is not a myrcene strain. It is limonene-dominant and it always has been. He has just explained someone’s entire evening using the wrong compound.” | SOUR DIESEL = LIMONENE | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:14-0:19 | ORACLE: “Then why does everyone say myrcene?” PROF: “Because he does. Loudly. For years.” | (none) | whip cut to Oracle, then Prof + whip cut |
| 0:19-0:22 | PROF: “Check yours. This is why I’m high.” | CHECK YOURS | Professor High + closing card |
Sour Diesel is limonene-dominant. It never was myrcene-dominant. Thirty years of reputation, assembled by people describing a feeling, and nobody went back to check it against a panel. Check yours → thisiswhyimhigh.com This is why I’m high.Hashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #sourdiesel #limonene #terpenes #strainreview
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-005 (Pair C, variant COLD OPEN)
Runtime: 22 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-006, carries the SAME
fact, the SAME lines and the SAME runtime, but OPENS ON PROFESSOR HIGH
NARRATING instead of on the Oracle. Everything else — text treatment, audio
bed, shot vocabulary, closing line — must be identical between the two.
IMPORTANT — THIS VARIANT OPENS COLD ON THE ARCHETYPE, MID-SENTENCE. The very
first frame is THE ORACLE already arguing. No narration, no setup, no title
card, no logo. That is the variable under test.
ENVIRONMENT: A stylized living room, plain couch, blank wall. No product,
packaging or paraphernalia. No brands or logos. Professor High is cut in from
his lab.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:06) COLD OPEN. Locked wide. THE ORACLE mid-argument, gesturing.
SAYS (ORACLE): "—no, because Sour Diesel is a myrcene strain, that's why it
does that to you. That's just the chemistry."
ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:06-0:14) Cut to Professor High in the lab. Static chest-up, deadpan.
Single card, lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "It is not a myrcene strain. It is limonene-dominant and it
always has been. He has just explained someone's entire evening using the
wrong compound."
ON SCREEN: SOUR DIESEL = LIMONENE
3. (0:14-0:19) Whip cut to the Oracle, then back to Professor High.
SAYS (ORACLE): "Then why does everyone say myrcene?"
SAYS (PROF): "Because he does. Loudly. For years."
ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:19-0:22) Professor High, static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Check yours. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: CHECK YOURS
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on "LIMONENE". IDENTICAL treatment in CTL-006. 250px
clear at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed in CTL-006.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No real
brand, dispensary or producer names.
CTL-006 — Narrated Open (Pair C)
| Runtime | 22 seconds |
| Register | Comedy |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-005 — same content, opens on archetype dialogue |
| Variable | Opens on Professor High narrating |
| Primary metric | 3-second hold rate |
| Data needed | Verified: Sour Diesel is limonene-dominant. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | CT-04 | ”Sour Diesel isn’t what you think it is.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:06 | PROF: (direct to lens, already talking) “This man is about to explain someone’s entire evening using the wrong compound. Watch.” | (none) | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up |
| 0:06-0:11 | ORACLE: (mid-argument, gesturing) “—no, because Sour Diesel is a myrcene strain, that’s why it does that to you. That’s just the chemistry.” | (none) | THE ORACLE on a couch + locked wide |
| 0:11-0:17 | PROF: “It is not a myrcene strain. It is limonene-dominant and it always has been.” | SOUR DIESEL = LIMONENE | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:17-0:19 | ORACLE: “Then why does everyone say myrcene?” PROF: “Because he does. Loudly. For years.” | (none) | whip cut to Oracle, then Prof + whip cut |
| 0:19-0:22 | PROF: “Check yours. This is why I’m high.” | CHECK YOURS | Professor High + closing card |
Sour Diesel is limonene-dominant. It never was myrcene-dominant. Thirty years of reputation, assembled by people describing a feeling, and nobody went back to check it against a panel. Check yours → thisiswhyimhigh.com This is why I’m high.Hashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #sourdiesel #limonene #terpenes #strainreview
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-006 (Pair C, variant NARRATED OPEN)
Runtime: 22 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- THE ORACLE — SWAPPABLE. Use the-oracle-v1 if you have built it, or cast ANY
Cantina character who reads as: reclined and generous, explains your own
experience to you with total confidence.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-005, carries the SAME
fact, the SAME Oracle line and the SAME runtime, but opens COLD on the Oracle
instead. Everything else — text treatment, audio bed, shot vocabulary, closing
line — must be identical between the two.
IMPORTANT — THIS VARIANT OPENS ON PROFESSOR HIGH NARRATING TO CAMERA, setting
up what we are about to see. That is the variable under test. He must still
start MID-SENTENCE with no greeting, no title card and no logo — the variable
is narration-versus-dialogue, not cold-versus-warm.
ENVIRONMENT: A stylized living room, plain couch, blank wall, plus Professor
High's lab. No product, packaging or paraphernalia. No brands or logos.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:06) COLD OPEN on Professor High. Static chest-up, deadpan, direct
to lens, already talking.
SAYS (PROF): "This man is about to explain someone's entire evening using
the wrong compound. Watch."
ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:06-0:11) Cut to the living room. Locked wide. THE ORACLE mid-argument,
gesturing.
SAYS (ORACLE): "—no, because Sour Diesel is a myrcene strain, that's why it
does that to you. That's just the chemistry."
ON SCREEN: nothing
3. (0:11-0:17) Cut to Professor High. Static chest-up, deadpan. Single card,
lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "It is not a myrcene strain. It is limonene-dominant and it
always has been."
ON SCREEN: SOUR DIESEL = LIMONENE
4. (0:17-0:19) Whip cut to the Oracle, then back to Professor High.
SAYS (ORACLE): "Then why does everyone say myrcene?"
SAYS (PROF): "Because he does. Loudly. For years."
ON SCREEN: nothing
5. (0:19-0:22) Professor High, static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Check yours. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: CHECK YOURS
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on "LIMONENE". IDENTICAL treatment to CTL-005. 250px
clear at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed to CTL-005.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No real
brand, dispensary or producer names.
CTL-007 — As A Joke (Pair D)
| Runtime | 20 seconds |
| Register | Comedy |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-008 — same fact, delivered as data |
| Variable | Comedy register |
| Primary metric | Shares |
| Data needed | Verified: not one top-ten strain clears 25% THC. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | OL-90 | ”The ten most popular strains. Not one is strong.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:06 | MAXIMIZER: (at a menu board, dismissive) “I don’t buy the popular ones. Those are for beginners. I need something serious.” | (none) | THE MAXIMIZER at a menu board + locked wide |
| 0:06-0:14 | PROF: “Not one strain in the ten most popular clears twenty-five percent. Which means the entire country is quietly enjoying beginner cannabis and only he has noticed.” | NOT ONE TOP-10 CLEARS 25% | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:14-0:17 | MAXIMIZER: “So they’re all beginners.” PROF: “Everyone is a beginner. It is a very large club.” | (none) | whip cut to Maximizer, then Prof |
| 0:17-0:20 | PROF: “Chaser or Reader. This is why I’m high.” | CHASER OR READER? | Professor High + closing card |
Not one strain in the ten most popular clears 25% THC. Which means the entire country is quietly enjoying “beginner” cannabis, and only one guy at the counter has noticed. Chaser or Reader? This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.comHashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #thcpercentage #dispensary #cannabisculture #relatable
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-007 (Pair D, variant COMEDY)
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- THE MAXIMIZER — SWAPPABLE. Use the-maximizer-v1 if you have built it, or
cast ANY Cantina character who reads as: confident, decisive and completely
wrong — optimising for the biggest number.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan, comedic framing.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-008, delivers the SAME
FACT — not one top-ten strain clears 25% THC — with no archetype, no scene and
no joke, at the same runtime, with the same text treatment and the same audio
bed. Only the register differs.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD mid-sentence on the archetype. No title card,
no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: A stylized generic dispensary, backlit menu board of invented
names and percentages. No product visible. No brands or logos. Professor High
is cut in from his lab.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:06) COLD OPEN. Locked wide at the board. THE MAXIMIZER, dismissive.
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "I don't buy the popular ones. Those are for beginners. I
need something serious."
ON SCREEN: nothing
2. (0:06-0:14) Cut to Professor High in the lab. Static chest-up, deadpan.
Single card, lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "Not one strain in the ten most popular clears twenty-five
percent. Which means the entire country is quietly enjoying beginner
cannabis and only he has noticed."
ON SCREEN: NOT ONE TOP-10 CLEARS 25%
3. (0:14-0:17) Whip cut to the Maximizer, then back to Professor High.
SAYS (MAXIMIZER): "So they're all beginners."
SAYS (PROF): "Everyone is a beginner. It is a very large club."
ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:17-0:20) Professor High, static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Chaser or Reader. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: CHASER OR READER?
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on "25%". IDENTICAL treatment in CTL-008. 250px clear
at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed in CTL-008.
DO NOT: No product visible. No smoking or consuming. No medical claims. No
real dispensary, brand, producer or lab names.
CTL-008 — As Data (Pair D)
| Runtime | 20 seconds |
| Register | Data-led |
| CTA type | Comment |
| Twin | CTL-007 — same fact, delivered as comedy |
| Variable | Data register |
| Primary metric | Shares |
| Data needed | Verified: not one top-ten strain clears 25% THC; average 20.5%. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | BC-07 | ”Nothing in the top ten is strong.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:06 | PROF: (already talking, direct to lens) “Not one strain in the ten most popular clears twenty-five percent THC. Not one.” | NOT ONE TOP-10 CLEARS 25% | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:06-0:14 | PROF: “The most widely bought cannabis in the country is not the strongest cannabis in the country. It is around twenty percent, which is the average, which is what almost everything is.” | THE MOST POPULAR ≠ THE STRONGEST | Professor High + slow push-in + card change |
| 0:14-0:17 | PROF: “Popularity is tracking something other than potency, and it has been the whole time.” | (none) | Professor High + static chest-up |
| 0:17-0:20 | PROF: “Chaser or Reader. This is why I’m high.” | CHASER OR READER? | Professor High + closing card |
Not one strain in the ten most popular clears 25% THC. Not one. The most widely bought cannabis in the country is not the strongest cannabis in the country — it sits around the 20.5% average, like almost everything else. Popularity is tracking something other than potency, and it has been the whole time. This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.comHashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #thcpercentage #dispensary #cannabiseducation #terpenes
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-008 (Pair D, variant DATA)
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan, straight delivery. No joke, no scene, no
archetype. He is reporting a finding.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-007, delivers the SAME
FACT inside a comedy scene with an archetype, at the same runtime, with the
same text treatment and the same audio bed. Only the register differs. Both
close on the identical line.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, already mid-sentence. No title card, no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: Professor High's lab. Stylized, clean, warm practical lighting.
No product, packaging or paraphernalia. No brands or logos.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:06) COLD OPEN. Static chest-up, deadpan, direct to lens. Single
card, lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "Not one strain in the ten most popular clears twenty-five
percent THC. Not one."
ON SCREEN: NOT ONE TOP-10 CLEARS 25%
2. (0:06-0:14) Slow push-in. Card changes.
SAYS (PROF): "The most widely bought cannabis in the country is not the
strongest cannabis in the country. It is around twenty percent, which is
the average, which is what almost everything is."
ON SCREEN: THE MOST POPULAR =/= THE STRONGEST
3. (0:14-0:17) Static chest-up.
SAYS (PROF): "Popularity is tracking something other than potency, and it
has been the whole time."
ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:17-0:20) Static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Chaser or Reader. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: CHASER OR READER?
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on "25%". IDENTICAL treatment to CTL-007. 250px clear
at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed to CTL-007.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no paraphernalia. No archetypes or scenes. No
medical claims. No real dispensary, brand, producer or lab names.
CTL-009 — With A CTA (Pair E)
| Runtime | 20 seconds |
| Register | Data-led |
| CTA type | Site |
| Twin | CTL-010 — identical script, catchphrase only |
| Variable | Explicit CTA present |
| Primary metric | Views (does the ask cost reach?), secondary: site sessions |
| Data needed | Verified: three terpenes lead 86%; myrcene 45.8%, limonene 25.4%, caryophyllene 15.2%. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | DD-03 | ”Three terpenes run 86% of all cannabis.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:06 | PROF: (already talking) “Three compounds lead eighty-six percent of all classified cannabis. Myrcene, limonene, caryophyllene.” | 3 TERPENES → 86% | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:06-0:14 | PROF: “Everything else — every name on every board, every price tier, every argument in every comment section — is happening inside the remaining fourteen percent.” | THE OTHER 14% | Professor High + slow push-in + card change |
| 0:14-0:17 | PROF: “Which means the menu is much smaller than it looks.” | (none) | Professor High + static chest-up |
| 0:17-0:20 | PROF: “Go and look up which of the three leads yours, on thisiswhyimhigh dot com. This is why I’m high.” | LOOK UP YOURS | Professor High + closing card |
Three compounds lead 86% of all classified cannabis: myrcene, limonene, caryophyllene. Every name on every board, every price tier, every comment-section argument — all of it is happening inside the other 14%. The menu is much smaller than it looks. Look up which of the three leads yours → thisiswhyimhigh.com This is why I’m high.Hashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #terpenes #myrcene #cannabiseducation #dispensary
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-009 (Pair E, variant WITH CTA)
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-010, is the IDENTICAL
script with the explicit call to action removed from the final beat — it
closes on the catchphrase alone. Everything else must match exactly: same
lines, same timing, same cards, same audio bed.
IMPORTANT — THIS VARIANT CARRIES AN EXPLICIT SPOKEN AND WRITTEN CTA on the
final beat, naming the site out loud. That is the variable under test.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, already mid-sentence. No title card, no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: Professor High's lab. Stylized, clean, warm practical lighting.
No product, packaging or paraphernalia. No brands or logos.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:06) COLD OPEN. Static chest-up, deadpan. Single card, lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "Three compounds lead eighty-six percent of all classified
cannabis. Myrcene, limonene, caryophyllene."
ON SCREEN: 3 TERPENES -> 86%
2. (0:06-0:14) Slow push-in. Card changes.
SAYS (PROF): "Everything else — every name on every board, every price
tier, every argument in every comment section — is happening inside the
remaining fourteen percent."
ON SCREEN: THE OTHER 14%
3. (0:14-0:17) Static chest-up.
SAYS (PROF): "Which means the menu is much smaller than it looks."
ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:17-0:20) Static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "Go and look up which of the three leads yours, on
thisiswhyimhigh dot com. This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: LOOK UP YOURS
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on "86%". IDENTICAL treatment in CTL-010. 250px clear
at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed in CTL-010.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no paraphernalia. No medical claims and no
claim that any terpene produces any effect. No real dispensary, brand,
producer or lab names.
CTL-010 — Catchphrase Only (Pair E)
| Runtime | 20 seconds |
| Register | Data-led |
| CTA type | None (catchphrase only) |
| Twin | CTL-009 — identical script with an explicit CTA |
| Variable | No explicit CTA |
| Primary metric | Views (does removing the ask gain reach?), secondary: site sessions |
| Data needed | Verified: three terpenes lead 86%; myrcene 45.8%, limonene 25.4%, caryophyllene 15.2%. |
| Slot | ID | Line |
|---|---|---|
| A | DD-03 | ”Three terpenes run 86% of all cannabis.” |
| Time | Dialogue | On Screen | Shot |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0:00-0:06 | PROF: (already talking) “Three compounds lead eighty-six percent of all classified cannabis. Myrcene, limonene, caryophyllene.” | 3 TERPENES → 86% | Professor High, deadpan + static chest-up + card |
| 0:06-0:14 | PROF: “Everything else — every name on every board, every price tier, every argument in every comment section — is happening inside the remaining fourteen percent.” | THE OTHER 14% | Professor High + slow push-in + card change |
| 0:14-0:17 | PROF: “Which means the menu is much smaller than it looks.” | (none) | Professor High + static chest-up |
| 0:17-0:20 | PROF: “This is why I’m high.” | THIS IS WHY I’M HIGH | Professor High + closing card |
Three compounds lead 86% of all classified cannabis: myrcene, limonene, caryophyllene. Every name on every board, every price tier, every comment-section argument — all of it is happening inside the other 14%. The menu is much smaller than it looks. This is why I’m high → thisiswhyimhigh.comHashtags
#thisiswhyimhigh #terpenes #myrcene #cannabiseducation #dispensary
Cantina Prompt
Professor High — CONTROL PACK — CTL-010 (Pair E, variant CATCHPHRASE ONLY)
Runtime: 20 seconds | 9:16 vertical
CHARACTERS
- professor-high-v1 — LOCKED. Already loaded with his image, voice and
personality. Do NOT re-describe him — re-describing a saved character is the
main cause of drift.
- No supporting cast — Professor High alone.
- Any supporting role may be recast freely between packs, never inside one — a
recast mid-pack turns a format test into a casting test. Briefs and swap
rules: /social/cast
TONE: Nature-documentary deadpan.
IMPORTANT — THIS IS A CONTROLLED TEST. Its twin, CTL-009, is the IDENTICAL
script with an explicit call to action on the final beat. Everything else must
match exactly: same lines, same timing, same cards, same audio bed.
IMPORTANT — THIS VARIANT HAS NO EXPLICIT CALL TO ACTION. The final beat is the
catchphrase alone. Do not name the site out loud, do not add "look it up", do
not add a URL card. The catchphrase IS the only funnel element and that is the
variable under test.
IMPORTANT — OPENING: Start COLD, already mid-sentence. No title card, no logo.
ENVIRONMENT: Professor High's lab. Stylized, clean, warm practical lighting.
No product, packaging or paraphernalia. No brands or logos.
SHOTS + DIALOGUE:
1. (0:00-0:06) COLD OPEN. Static chest-up, deadpan. Single card, lower third.
SAYS (PROF): "Three compounds lead eighty-six percent of all classified
cannabis. Myrcene, limonene, caryophyllene."
ON SCREEN: 3 TERPENES -> 86%
2. (0:06-0:14) Slow push-in. Card changes.
SAYS (PROF): "Everything else — every name on every board, every price
tier, every argument in every comment section — is happening inside the
remaining fourteen percent."
ON SCREEN: THE OTHER 14%
3. (0:14-0:17) Static chest-up.
SAYS (PROF): "Which means the menu is much smaller than it looks."
ON SCREEN: nothing
4. (0:17-0:20) Static chest-up. Closing card.
SAYS (PROF): "This is why I'm high."
ON SCREEN: THIS IS WHY I'M HIGH
ON-SCREEN TEXT STYLE: Bold sans-serif, white with heavy stroke, lower third,
pineapple yellow #D98E04 on "86%". IDENTICAL treatment to CTL-009. 250px clear
at bottom, 120px at top.
AUDIO: Original sound. Sparse strings. IDENTICAL bed to CTL-009.
DO NOT: No product, no smoking, no paraphernalia. No medical claims. No
explicit CTA of any kind. No real dispensary, brand, producer or lab names.
Reading The Results
| Pair | If A wins | If B wins | If neither |
|---|---|---|---|
| A — text | Text helps comedy. Reverse the no-stickers rule | Text hurts. The rule stands and the education packs need re-cutting | Text is cosmetic. Stop spending production time on it |
| B — length | 15s wins. Cut the education packs down | 30s wins. The money-zone guidance is wrong for us | Length is not the lever. Look at the hook |
| C — open | The cold-open rewrite was correct. Close the open question | The original narrated grammar was better. Revert the Comedy Engine | Opening style is not the lever. Look at the first line’s content |
| D — register | Comedy travels further. Weight the library to comedy | Data travels further. That would be the single most surprising result in the slate | Register is topic-dependent. Test per topic, not globally |
| E — CTA | The ask does not cost reach. Use CTAs freely | The ask costs reach. Move all CTAs to captions | CTAs are free. Keep the ladder as-is |
One pair proves nothing. Each of these is a single coin flip at our volumes. Before any of the decisions above gets made, re-run the same pair with a different fact and confirm the direction holds. Two consistent pairs is a rule; one is a hunch with a number attached.
Related
The 100 — Design
Why ten slots go to measurement rather than reach.
Testing Framework
Where these rows get logged.
Start Here
The open questions these pairs close.